our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
