...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
