i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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