Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
