I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
