My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
