made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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