im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
someone owes me an orgasm
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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