I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
