i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There r osticjed everywhere
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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