did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
