worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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