youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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