I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
