Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
