Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Send help, water and tortillas.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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