Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
