none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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