watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you had me at cake vodka
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
