i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
