I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
