the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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