Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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