playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We're too hungover to prance.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
