I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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