OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
