my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
