So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
