you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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