I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
