I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
