I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
