I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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