nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
