His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
