Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
