no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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