my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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