We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
