who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
