Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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