its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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