She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I believe in your delicious
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
