I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
