we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
