I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
