The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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