he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You took a bar mat shot.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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