false alarm. still invincible.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
