so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
