So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can't motorboat a personality
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
