If that was your dad, he is hot
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
