Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
