Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
