Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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